When I am an old lady looking back at my life, I will probably laugh at how ridiculous I was at this moment, plauged with indecision and fear and spazzing about what to do with the next year or so of my life.
The problem is, there are too many options, and I'm always worried that I will make the "wrong" choice. So far in life, all the major decisions I've had to make turned out for the best, yet I continually freak out when faced with another one.
When I moved back home 2 months ago, I was hell bent on spending at least another year teaching abroad. However, after being home for a while I realized that moving back home, perhaps getting a job at my old school, getting an apartment downtown, finishing my Masters degree, bascially resuming my old life, would probably not be the end of the world. In fact, it seemed kind of appealing. I have a life here in Minnesota; I have friends, family, North High, and a new taekwondo school that I love. I'm turning 27 in a few days, and I feel like I'm almost ready to be a "real" grown up and and settle down. Almost.
But I've decided to give teaching abroad another go after all. I found the best of both worlds: an international school that agreed to a one year commitment. I wanted to teach at an international school (which operates like a Western school) this time around because I wanted to get back into "real" teaching, meaning have students I see every day, so I can actually learn their names, have some continuity in the curriculum, and see real progress. That didn't happen in my previous job, where it seemed my primary duty was to be a walking dictionary and grammar book for the Korean English teachers.
The problem with international schools is that most require a two year commitment. Why is this a problem? For some reason, the idea of committing to something for two years scares me to death. I keep thinking; I'll be 29 and SINGLE when I move back home, (dear God, the horror!) even though I know that's completely ridiculous.
I turned down what would have been a great job in Korea for that very reason. Also, I figured if I'm sacrificing another year away from friends and family, I needed to try something new. That was the whole point of going abroad in the first place.
Anyway, after all the freaking out, and talking to ANYONE who would listen about my dilemma, I accepted a position at an international school near Khao Yai National Park in Thailand. It will be completely different from Seoul, which scared me at first, but I think it will be a nice change. Basically; I'll be living in a hut in the jungle in the middle of nowheresville Thailand.
Maybe I'll love it, and stay a second year anyway, but I like that I have the option of moving back home after a year if I decide I'm ready to be a real grown up then, or if I decide I need to come back to civilization.
But I think being out of "civilization" for a while will be good for me. I've always lived in the city, and I think I need to get away from the wealth, status and fashion-obsessed environment that was Seoul. I really need to get some bills paid off, and living in a city where designer handbags and heels are practically a uniform wasn't helping with that situation.
I've written in this blog before that I freak out about decisions like this, but in the end, it all mysteriously works out. And it has once again. (Future self; take note)